"These Police Whores Will Not Leave Me Alone!" declares Candidate Pals

From the October 5, 1997 Issue of the Independent Advocate:

Although he has not yet announced his candidacy, Pals' campaign is already being sabotaged by his political enemies. Their latest tactic is to have police women (or "whores," as he characterizes them), call him in the evenings, pretending to be telemarketers and bill-collectors.

"I have had women call and leave a name and a telephone number on my voice mail quite often," complains Pals. "Some have called several times a day." The women call under false pretenses, claiming to offer him "unbeatable bargains" on family portraits or long-distance telephone service. Pals is a bachelor, and rarely places long-distance phone calls.

A recent caller revealed herself to be a "whore" by asking him to rate several popular songs on a scale of one to ten. "The Police have a detailed file on me," asserts Pals. "They are aware that I do not listen to popular music." Other callers have claimed that Pals is behind on his payments on various household appliances, which Pals does not even remember purchasing.

"[At first], I couldn't imagine why any woman would want to leave me their names and telephone numbers, but I've finally realized that they . . . are Police women who are working with the harasser to set up a sting operation like they did with their obscene version of this paper.

"To me, they are simply proving that they are whores. I will be very happy to help the Police women become known as whores if they want to continue calling and leaving names and phone numbers for no reason."